It Moves Us Along
February 13, 2011 by Dexter
You can blame my feeble mind for waxing something trivial, and yet I could never say for certain what exactly makes a relationship tick. Or perhaps, for the fear of sounding too wet and naïve, I could never quite lay a finger on the ‘how’ aspect of it all: the behind-the-scenes, the cogs, the works, the enchilada. Yeah, whatever.
Not that I have never been into that same rut before; I have. And yet being in love and being in a true blue relationship are often too few and far between. Scratched off the tally are the hundred gazillion puppy love’s that remained only as, harshly as it sounds, well, bursts of feelings. That leaves only half an experience to boot for all these twenty two years walking around and looking for a partner. (And no, you really wouldn’t get that unless I tell you, so you can quit trying and just skip along to the next.)
Let’s face it. Sure, carrying a torch, keeping it quiet, handling the dilemma of whether to profess and making a fool out of yourself to the girl friends as she recounts the whole thing over giggly girl talks – this obviously has its own quirks. And while I call proclaim to be a master of that art, it could only take me so far. The real challenges of a life with a partner, as I understand it, infinitely wane the intensity of unrequited crushes and fangirlisms.
Much of what I know with that life come from too often a night spent talking with my girl-space-friends about their relationships with their own boy-no-space-friends, discussing about shortcomings on the other end, somehow playing the role of a midnight-d.j. consoling a female caller. As to why they even bother confiding in me is well beyond confuddlement, though I generally find to less surprise that it was often the girls who had been in a longer relationship who often had the er.. “less positive sentiments”, if you may. Maybe they’ve experienced much more, seen much more to know where the other half lacks, or maybe they’ve finally figured what they really wanted. Whatever the case, it’s something that obviously comes only with time.
So what happens when you finally leave the honeymoon stages, crossing over and sailing beyond those times when you get all too giddy when he calls you on the phone or get excited when he asks you out? What happens when the cuter talking points are all but exhausted, and the remaining topics are about oil price hikes and philandering politicians and rising costs of living? What happens when you wake up and discover that the sensation that caused your heart to skip a beat in the first place, overpowering your logic to say yes to the relationship mellows out and balances to one that no longer consists only of happiness, but also of the other nastier bits?
It necessitates remarking that of the girls I counsel, most have gone on to live happier, fuller lives with their guys, as though all their complaints have miraculously been quelled. Of course, a more credible perspective was that they never needed my advice in the first place.
A friend of mine, this one I’m not as close to, but is one of my guy’s girlfriend nevertheless, as though knowing what was going through my head, seemingly summarizing, for sure, the sentiments of all those who are firm with their relationships, answered me on Facebook. “Falling in love is different from being in love. Falling in love – nahulog ka lang, that’s it. Being in love [on the other hand] is a decision, a commitment. Don’t just fall, but BE in love!”
And that’s it, really. It would be too innocent to presume that love would be, as Adam would conveniently put it, only rainbows and butterflies. Maybe I’m spoon feeding you with too much cynicism, but to not expect some form of hitch along the way would be, in my mind, at least, unthinkable. I’m not talking about over the top, world ends here and now bumps and bruises, but I take you get the point.
What I gleaned from all those nights on the chatbox was something I eventually learned to take to heart over time. The important thing is, you always have to remember that at one point, no matter whether it’s on a cool afternoon on the thirteenth in front of the laptop, or on a hot July morning sitting on one of the benches, this was exactly what you wanted, and you owe it to yourself to make things work, often within, though sometimes well without reason. All the time, it takes more than just love, but also dedication and passion to grit through the tougher times when it all ceases to be a fairytale.
The not-so-important thing apart from that I referenced Maroon 5 twice? Well, all this is just a metaphor.
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It Moves Us Along
February 13, 2011 by Dexter
You can blame my feeble mind for waxing something trivial, and yet I could never say for certain what exactly makes a relationship tick. Or perhaps, for the fear of sounding too wet and naïve, I could never quite lay a finger on the ‘how’ aspect of it all: the behind-the-scenes, the cogs, the works, the enchilada. Yeah, whatever.
Not that I have never been into that same rut before; I have. And yet being in love and being in a true blue relationship are often too few and far between. Scratched off the tally are the hundred gazillion puppy love’s that remained only as, harshly as it sounds, well, bursts of feelings. That leaves only half an experience to boot for all these twenty two years walking around and looking for a partner. (And no, you really wouldn’t get that unless I tell you, so you can quit trying and just skip along to the next.)
Let’s face it. Sure, carrying a torch, keeping it quiet, handling the dilemma of whether to profess and making a fool out of yourself to the girl friends as she recounts the whole thing over giggly girl talks – this obviously has its own quirks. And while I call proclaim to be a master of that art, it could only take me so far. The real challenges of a life with a partner, as I understand it, infinitely wane the intensity of unrequited crushes and fangirlisms.
Much of what I know with that life come from too often a night spent talking with my girl-space-friends about their relationships with their own boy-no-space-friends, discussing about shortcomings on the other end, somehow playing the role of a midnight-d.j. consoling a female caller. As to why they even bother confiding in me is well beyond confuddlement, though I generally find to less surprise that it was often the girls who had been in a longer relationship who often had the er.. “less positive sentiments”, if you may. Maybe they’ve experienced much more, seen much more to know where the other half lacks, or maybe they’ve finally figured what they really wanted. Whatever the case, it’s something that obviously comes only with time.
So what happens when you finally leave the honeymoon stages, crossing over and sailing beyond those times when you get all too giddy when he calls you on the phone or get excited when he asks you out? What happens when the cuter talking points are all but exhausted, and the remaining topics are about oil price hikes and philandering politicians and rising costs of living? What happens when you wake up and discover that the sensation that caused your heart to skip a beat in the first place, overpowering your logic to say yes to the relationship mellows out and balances to one that no longer consists only of happiness, but also of the other nastier bits?
It necessitates remarking that of the girls I counsel, most have gone on to live happier, fuller lives with their guys, as though all their complaints have miraculously been quelled. Of course, a more credible perspective was that they never needed my advice in the first place.
A friend of mine, this one I’m not as close to, but is one of my guy’s girlfriend nevertheless, as though knowing what was going through my head, seemingly summarizing, for sure, the sentiments of all those who are firm with their relationships, answered me on Facebook. “Falling in love is different from being in love. Falling in love – nahulog ka lang, that’s it. Being in love [on the other hand] is a decision, a commitment. Don’t just fall, but BE in love!”
And that’s it, really. It would be too innocent to presume that love would be, as Adam would conveniently put it, only rainbows and butterflies. Maybe I’m spoon feeding you with too much cynicism, but to not expect some form of hitch along the way would be, in my mind, at least, unthinkable. I’m not talking about over the top, world ends here and now bumps and bruises, but I take you get the point.
What I gleaned from all those nights on the chatbox was something I eventually learned to take to heart over time. The important thing is, you always have to remember that at one point, no matter whether it’s on a cool afternoon on the thirteenth in front of the laptop, or on a hot July morning sitting on one of the benches, this was exactly what you wanted, and you owe it to yourself to make things work, often within, though sometimes well without reason. All the time, it takes more than just love, but also dedication and passion to grit through the tougher times when it all ceases to be a fairytale.
The not-so-important thing apart from that I referenced Maroon 5 twice? Well, all this is just a metaphor.
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